Years ago I began my blog as a space to capture my journaling online. A place for my kids to explore and reference when they were older. I lost track of this vision, this aspiration. I got caught up in the online world of perfection, of consumption and comparison. Drawing the line…with hopes of getting back on track.

February 15, 2017

As I sit in the new guest room at Betty Ann and Larry’s place in Brighton, Ontario I find myself getting a little emotional watching the girls play in the snow piles out front.

To think Chardonae is almost 14. Fourteen and grade 8 already! She is approaching the time in my life when my mom was no longer a part of our day to day. Spring break of grade 8, 1993.

It deeply saddens me when I consider twenty-four years ago I had no idea the coming weeks with my mom would be my final ones. Our lives were filled with extracurricular activities, whether it be swim practice or basketball tournaments, my parents were heavily involved in our day to day. We lived a very special life.

The past couple years have not entailed very many organized activities for our girls. And lately I am torn with guilt and concern they are missing out on what was such a significant part of my personal upbringing. Brighton has been our home base for 6 months, and unfortunately the girls have had limited school age interaction. Their social life is definitely limited. And no extracurricular activities.

And I have to hand it to C and B, they are true champs. They rarely complain, they typically find the best in each situation and are very adaptable and accepting. They may give a little push back here and there, but relatively speaking they are tremendous participants and contributors in our family.

With their snow pants we scored from Walmart, their winter gloves from Winners, Cs green jacket from the thrift store and Bs jacket from Target, along with their hand me down boots, they are just loving building snow caves and having snow ball fights with the neighbour boys.

Yesterday they were making massive snowballs that I assumed were to create a snowman….BUT NO…they were dragon eggs mom. Today C requested a blanket and is thrilled when I offer her the purple bed sheet so she can cover her snow dome sunroof. Their imaginations and ability to create fun with what’s around them is a true skill I hope they nurture throughout life.

Though the debate is still out as to whether they are missing out on an important part of growing up, or if this different way of living will be a positive, long term, I know I am extremely grateful for the extra time I get to spend each day with my girls. Embracing the simple points of each day. Waking up when we want to wake up together, movie marathons any day of the week, exploring during the week when the majority of society is at school or work, realizing how happy we can be without so much stuff, and learning to read each others cues.

If I were to be gone tomorrow, I know so much of me would exist within C and B, just like my mom does within me.



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