Do I Feel 38?

Thank you so very much for all the birthday wishes, I truly feel loved and appreciated, thank you.

Do I feel 38? I do and I don’t. Of course I do, but I guess when I say I don’t feel like my age, it’s because on one hand I still feel like the 20 year old who just hopped on a plane solo to travel the world, and who at 22 decided now was a good time to try for children. Then I consider all I have experienced and the lives that have intertwined with mine and think I must have been around for longer than 38 years. Anyone who knows me, knows age is just a number to me. But with each year that passes, many of us are guilty of beating ourselves up or putting blame on those we love for not being or living the life we had imagined.

At some point I know I imagined a ‘Street of Dreams’ home in a very friendly neighborhood where all the kids on the street attended the same school and our homes open door policy was the haven for the kids and their friends to hang. I had a walk in closet that was colour organized and the fridge was full of fabulous food always, and we hosted the best get togethers and all the family holidays.

At 38 I officially have no ‘home’, I no longer own even a couch or set us dishes. I live out of a suitcase and rely on what foods are available wherever I am at. My daughters stay connected with their friends digitally and I do my best to attend the family functions.

Thankfully I have incredible family and friends. I am a contributor to a better world and I have the ability to travel. I have a tight, respectful and loving relationship with my husband and children. I have my health and have the opportunity to choose to smile daily. I feel happy and proud. All of which I also envisioned.

Not to say I don’t think of my ‘Street of Dreams’ home, lord knows I greatly appreciate the lovely homes and people I have been fortunate enough to visit over the years. There is definitely a part of me that craves comfort and routine. Possibly one day. But at 38 I am currently on a different path. A path less travelled. A path that has its ups and downs, its freshly paved roads and at times patches with intense potholes, it’s blind spots as well as the never ending majestic view.

This past year ‘comparitis’ has become something I have become very conscious about. As well as the importance of releasing judgement and elevating those around us. Along with how debilitating ‘consuming’ without purpose can be. This past year also reminded me of the importance to have goals and live with intention. As I reset my intentions and get on track with my current purpose, one goal remains constant…make people smile from the inside out.

Me, myself and I, being of those people. We are all worthy of celebrating.

‘People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’- Maya Angelou

If you have made it to the end of this and feel a pull to reach out, please do. I look forward to connecting as we all are worthy of smiling from the inside out.

Leave a Reply